Achieving Dreams

Just an update

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 20:38:55 +0200

Not good at blogs or diaries. Just want to say that since my last message things have changed so much inmy life. I moved out of my dad's house and set up my own flat with the help of my mum and auntie. Finished my A levels and got into university. So i am doing well in terms of that.

So there we go! not too bad.

(OK can still get depressed and all moody basically but hey at least i'm not living at my dad's)

Comments

I need some body just to listen and help

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 19:54:41 +0200

I am a teenager. 19 years old has experienced many things. I have had to leave home because my family home was horrible. I have been manipulated through out my life and now i would say i am screwed up. I do what ever people want me to do because then i think that people will like me and i will be accepted and this means i would not be screwed up.
I have been bullied most of my life, been beaten up and shouted at and stuff like that. I hate the fact that my fatehr left me when i was 5 and last year i went to go and live with him. I had to leave last month because i hated living there. I am fat ugly and i hate myself. I hate me. I want to not be here anymore yet i am not scared to do anything about it. I just sit around on my arse and cry at the world. I am useless completely. Like anyone who could possible read this would have anything to actually say back. I don't know
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING ANYMORE

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I have not written for ages, so sorry

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 13:44:18 +0100

Really at the end of the day no one may be reading this so i don't need to say sorry. But on the off chance some one is then fair enough.

Home is horrible at the moment. i live with my dad and step mum. Along with my step family and they are driving me around the bend. They keep telling me what i can and can not do along with the fact that i am "screwed up and its all my mums fault."

well i don't think i am that screwed up i have friends, a boyfriend, and a grade A student, i have learned how to cook and clean (which i do every week now) so why am i screwed up?

Secondly why can i not go to uni? i really want to go and they are like no don't you won't be able to cope. all i am thinking is i am going whether they like it or not, but when i try and stand up for myself they get angry and i back down.

i pray to god to help me with this but i am not sure what to do. because they are really starting to hurt me with all this putting down chat.

what to do i have no idea

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I hate exams

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 20:53:55 +0100

Exams are horrible! I have completely failed my M2 exam, there is no way i passed it, bearing in mind i missed out 3 questions from 7. So great now i am a complete and utter failure plus the fact that i ate loads to make up from it.

I hate this day. It sucks

Tommorrow maybe better
Lets hope

Bye

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Day 1

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 16:43:43 +0100

I have never written a diary or blog so if i am doing this completely wrong then i am sorry, i am learning! I am 18 years old and completing my A-levels at the moment. As i am saying that i remind myself instead of sitting on the computer writing to you, i am meant to be upstairs revising. I have an M2 exam tomorrow, which is Mechanic in Maths. Why i decided to take it i will never know. I find it so difficult.

I suppose everyone finds something difficult and at the end of the day at least i tried right? I like so many young people have the problem of "lack of motivation." For me it doesn't end with studing though, i have a problem with my weight.

Thats why i am writing this blog to basically try and push my self a bit into what i need to do, lose weight! I am 11 stone and 5 1/2 pounds which is 2 stone heavier than i should be. I go to a class and i have lost so far a total of 10 pounds i think so that good, but i have reached a point where i can no longer keep it up, the pressure of school, exams, and friends, has lead me back to relying on my dear old comfort blanket of food. So i am hoping that this will help me.

What can i say i am a normal teenager, though the concept of normal basically is non existent, as what is normal? SO basically i am a teenager.

I eat to make me happy. So when i refuse "nice food" to my body i get very down, Mainly because i am unhappy before but even more so because i can't eat. Though i know my dream would be to be able to go into a shop like top shop and pick up a size 12 top or skirt and it will fit. But at the time i feel bad it doesn't matter, because all i want is food.

Take today for example, i am totally stressed about the exam. So i go and spend £20 down at the local Co-op on sweet and chocolate and yes i have eaten all of them. It made me feel better while i did that, sick afterwards and now totally cross with myself because at the end of the day i have put on probaly 4 pounds maybe (not very good at judging these things) for what 30 minutes of eating my favourite foods, only to feel abolutely sick afterwards and then this feeling. Yet this is the first time i have done it.

Well i suppose i should go and revise newtons laws and momentum or something. So i'll sign off for now. I am sure i will write tomorrow, probaly more on the lines of the exam, rather than weight, it could be regarding chocolate for comfort. Lets see.

No NO NO poppy! don't think like that. I will be fine, and if not, i will be good with my food intake! That right, isn't it?

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